The Move Is On! And ... "Thank You!"

Thanks for all the well wishes! As Jack's 8-Ball accurately predicted, today was the day! We're proud homeowners in our "forever home". It's more than we dared hope for when we made the leap of faith to return home. I guess that just goes to show you just what can happen when you ask God to lead the way instead of making demands or asking for specific blessings.

We're in a completely different town, miles away from where we thought we'd be settling down. Our small town is one we've come to love more than any place we've ever lived or visited. We're in a bigger house than we thought we'd be able to afford, thanks to a city grant unexpectedly becoming available for first time home buyers ( ... surprisingly paying 30K towards our home, btw! If you are looking into buying a house, please check with your real estate agent/mortgage broker regarding availability of special grants! We'll forever be in debt to our Realtor for pushing us in that direction!). Our kids gets to stay in the same school they've been attending this year and they have a large yard to play in for the first time ever, really. The list goes on and on ...

I mean, seriously?! I can't get more THANKFUL!

So thank you again for all your kind thoughts. I wish you and your families a "Happy Thanksgiving!". I simply can't wait to be back online and part of the blogging community. Hopefully, I'll be able to finally focus on my weight loss and fitness goals now that we will be settling into a familiar routine. I'm so tired of my own excuses!

So keep fighting the good fight! You inspire me!

Wish us luck!

We have been scheduled to close on this baby every Monday for the last month and a half! After being disappointed week after week, no one has called today (so far) to once again push back today's 1 P.M. closing appointment. Please keep your fingers crossed for us as we are praying that today is actually ... FINALLY ... the day!

"New Moon", The Move, Some Bad News

Did I enjoy New Moon, you ask?

Not only did I enjoy it, but I'm pretty sure The Mr. was more than thrilled with the fallout! To say I came home in a very ... ummm ... enthusiastic mood is an understatement! And from the randy commentary that was unavoidably overheard as I left the theater with my gaggle of Girl's Night homies, it's safe to say that there were a lot of confused but spent significant others everywhere!

Team Jacob or Team Edward, most of us belonged on Team Pervert (myself included!) if the average age of viewers in that showing is considered into the equation. That poor boy above is only like 17 years old! Regardless, The Mr., in anticipation of Round II, is really excited because I'm going to watch it again with both my sisters tomorrow. Haha!

Hey, don't judge me! And yes, I'm going again with the same sister who I attended the premiere with, as well as my other sister who has never seen the first Twilight installment or read any of the books. We're aiming to convert her, turning her on to it all so to speak. Now that's what I call helpin' a sista out. Holla!

I was so terrified that the movie would ruin the book for me. I wasn't the biggest fan of the first Twilight installment. I mean, I enjoyed it but the cheese factor was on overdrive, even more so than the books. And I like my cheese, obviously ... or I wouldn't be an obsessed fan of the books to begin with!

My biggest concern was with the portrayal of Jacob as he's definitely my favorite character in the books. Once I heard that the guy playing the character was the same dude from my children's beloved "Sharkboy and Lavagirl", I threw up a little in my mouth. I mean, I can't be drooling over the same person my 5 year old daughter is openly in love with!

Ickas.

Obviously, I'm over the need to bleach the inside of my eyelids just thinking about it. My sister and I (she's in her mid-twenties so I'm not a lone sicko!) squealed in glee every time "our Jacob" was on screen. EEeeEEee!

And the energy in the theater was amazing! I think, at times, that's what made the movie for me. The hot gay guy who screamed "whore!" at the screen when Bella made her choice ... or the lady who promptly informed everyone around her that she needed a cigarette as the first shirt came off? Well, they both had everyone in stitches. The loud commentary went on and on and, for once, I didn't mind at all.  

Was it a perfect adaption? No. But I love ... LOVE ... LOVED it, especially considering that nothing on screen will be as amazing as the movie that played out in my head while reading the books for the first (dozen) times. No matter what, New Moon was certainly enough to get me excited about Eclipse!

I'm so thankful that my sister dragged me with her. As we continue to gush on about the experience, it's bonded us even more than the time I've spent with her since our move. After all, It's been forever since I've had a "Girl's Night" (and I mean practically forever as I'm just not the kind of person who socializes outside my family) but her friends really welcomed me to their circle and I truly appreciated the opportunity to hang out with adults for a change. Even if all those adults belong on Team Pervert with me! Haha!

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

And about our move? We got the "official word" that the check was cut! That means that our Monday closing is still on and, worst case scenario, we'll have the keys by Tuesday at the latest.

I'm giddy, despite being pretty darn sure that I have the funk! The Mr. is calling it H1N2. If this is the swine flu, it's kicked it up a notch! I've been struggling to catch my breath for over a week now. I thought I had caught a break but I broke into fever and the symptoms worsened after getting out of the house for our movie trip. I feel sorry for the suckers surrounding me!

And more bad news?  The Mr. is losing one of his jobs. Always an anvil hanging over our head, isn't there? Ugh. But the company's production numbers are down and they simply don't have any more work. They had hoped to be able to keep folks on the payroll until after the New Year but that has fizzled out.

I'm not panicking yet. The Mr. has another job that will tide us over and he has a really promising interview for a great position on November 30th. I know I'm getting a job as soon as the holidays are over ... and our first mortgage payment isn't due until February. We may have a scarce Christmas just to be gentle with our savings but the biggest gift we could ever get is to be in our new home, surrounded by our family.

The Mr. said, "God has a way of giving you what you need, not what you want." and I totally agree with that. We are going to make it through this. From the beginning, it was a leap of faith coming back home.

And honestly, I think we needed something to remind us that, as a family, we needed to get back to basics. The stress of providing our family with a huge Christmas was already starting to weigh heavily upon us. It's so easy to get lost in the commercialism that surrounds the holidays.

Kids are so easily preyed upon, pressuring parents to spend so much on Christmas that the bills are often not paid until the next Christmas looms in the near future. We've never fallen into that trap but we were definitely tempted this year to lose sight of what Christmas is really about.

I mean, it's natural for parents to want to give their kids everything they desire. With setting up a new house, it is just too much for us to even consider. Instead, we're going to try to remind our children that they already have everything they need. Anything else is just a blessing.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to post again before Thanksgiving so I just wanted to wish everyone who stumbled upon my craziness a "Happy Turkey Day!". In celebration, I leave you with a pic of my darling princess who had her own feast earlier this week with her classmates. She was dubbed "Pink Flower" which is pretty darn on the money to anyone who knows my little diva.

Thank you, Lord ... We are truly grateful for your presence in our lives. Please keep guiding us with your loving hand and know that we appreciate the bountiful blessings that we know you have in store for us.

Here's to health and abundant joy!

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Two songs that make my heart happy right now:

In the previous episode ...

I'm usually a daily poster, especially when I'm focused on weight loss and things are going great. I mean, who doesn't like to brag, right? And even when I'm not so great at the whole diet and exercise thing, I update with family exploits. Well, unless I'm sick or unable to get to the computer. And lately? I've been both!

Okay, so here's what you've missed!

Saturday was boring, mostly laying around the house as I was starting to get that "uh oh! I may be getting sick!" feeling. Man, oh man. I hate that feeling of inevitability!

Sunday, I woke up to a beautiful day! I also woke up feeling rather crappy but I was still fighting it at this point. I refused to not enjoy the sunny respite we'd been given so I packed a lunch, tossed the kids in the car and it was off to the Memphis Zoo!

We had an amazing time spending the whole day wandering from exhibit to exhibit. The zoo has expanded quite a bit since we moved so it all felt new to us! The kids especially enjoyed the petting zoo and the sea lion show.

I've always thought that if I was an "animal", I'd want to be a dolphin. With my love of water, that's a given! To prove it, I have one tatoo'd on my calf for crying out loud! The sea lions were pure joy, though! They just might be my second choice! But the kids? At the end of the day, they were all about the meerkats. And who can blame them? They were adorable and had so much personality!

After spending about 8 hours chasing kids around the zoo, I was beat. I guess I'd let my guard down enough for the ickas to attack with a vengeance because Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are all a bedridden blur. I scrambled out of bed to toss on a robe and some slippers to go pick the kids up from school and that's about it, spending every other minute essentially coughing up my lungs.

I have never felt like I was suffocating like that! I was wheezing and unable to catch my breath ... pure miserable. At some point, I was struggling so hard to breathe that I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, my heart beating out of my chest as I gasped for air. I still have a headache and my chest is sore from coughing so much but I'm feeling better! Despite a bit of a wheeze, I'm breathing easily again so I'm guessing I'm on the mend.

Or at least I'd better be! And by tonight, too!

Why the rush? Because my sister is dragging me to a (Thursday ... err... technically Friday) midnight premiere of New Moon! I'm just enough of a dork to be pretty stoked about it. She's had my ticket for a week plus so I've been more than a little sad that I was sick, hating to disappoint her.

In full disclosure, we're both joining a crowd of her friends who happen to be equally as excited about Team Jacob vs. Team Edward so I know I wouldn't have been missed too much either way. In truth, I'd have been the one disappointed! I own my geekdom. Bring on the cheese!

In other news, this will be the last update for a few days because we are scheduled to close on the new house on Monday at 1:00 P.M.! I'm trying not to get too excited about it because they've been saying that for a month and a half now. And to make make matters worse, the person in charge off the grant money is on vacation this week so it's a toss up as to whether she actually cut the check or not. We'll see! But if so? That pwns! I'm so excited about getting into the house by Thanksgiving!

So, with hopes of everything going smoothly, the next few days (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) will be busy ones! They will be spent buying our appliances and some "must haves" this weekend. As well, we are going to be packing up what little we have out of storage. Everything that's littering up my sister's house needs to be boxed up! Mostly toys and so forth. That shouldn't be too hard since we're practically living out of suitcases.

Basic utilities for the new house are scheduled to be turned on Monday but I'm not sure when we're going to be getting internet access so updates may be sparse until that's ironed out. Either way, movers are scheduled for Tuesday.  I need to immediately unpack the kitchen and living room as I'm supposedly still hosting Thanksgiving that Thursday! That gives me only 2 days to get the necessities unpacked and organized. Plus, shopping for the meal? Holy crap.

To stay accountable, I weighed myself this morning and saw 285 on the scale. That's comforting since it had spiked up past 290 while I was sick. I'm only 5 pounds above my "lowest weight" and I imagine that I'll hover somewhere around there until after Thanksgiving. I'm going to do my best to make better choices but it's hard right now.

I don't think I can truly express with words how I've felt lately. Mostly, I've been feeling as if life is a treadmill and I've been going nowhere. Everything has been pretty much on hold "until we get the new house". It's dragged on and on and on ...

Trust me! I'm grateful! I know I should just shut up and count my blessings but I'm not that particular brand of drinking the kool-aid, simply sipping. Otherwise, I'd be blinded with the possibilities! But I'm not. I recognize that this process -- moving back home -- has caused some serious havoc in our lives. In the end, though? It's worth it! But still scary!

Change, change, change! Well, we're practically BFFs because that's all I've known lately.

But change is good, right? We're moving forward! And the silver lining is in sight, one way or another. So I'm hanging in there, looking forward to re-establishing routine and healthy habits.

Good things are in store for us!

Oh ... and go Team Jacob!

Touched! Embarrassed! Horrified! ... OH MY!

This seriously just went down!

I was asking the kids about their school day as we were eating dinner. The conversation began with their excitement over an upcoming Christmas program that my two youngest will be participating in at school. Having mentioned Christmas, it soon flowed over into Santa territory.

As Audrey began her litany of "I want this toy and that toy and this ... and thaaaaaat!", Zach tossed out that he was going to ask Santa for "mommy to be skinny".

I was (and still am) simultaneously touched, embarrassed and horrified.

I mean, Zach means no harm. I'm sensitive when someone mentions my weight so naturally I immediately felt as if he was implying that the mommy he has now isn't good enough. I know that's not the case, though.

It's obvious to each of my minions that my weight is something I struggle with. In fact, being a "normal weight" (*note to Zach: "normal weight" ... not skinny! Get it right, boy!) is something I dream of, day and night. It's something I fiercely long for with unrelenting determination. It's also a priority in which I've invested a lot.

My family is always priority #1 but weight loss gives pretty much everything else a run for it's money. I'm nowhere near where I need to be yet but it's definitely something I focus on probably more than I should. Hmmm ... maybe even to the detriment of every other goal I have right now!

Anyone, even Zach, can see that.

So I'm touched that he wants to give me something I wish for dearly. But I'm still horrified and embarrassed that my struggle is even on his radar, so much so that he'd give up toys for Christmas just to see me happy in that regard.

Kids. /sigh

And speaking of my constant struggle? I'm not out of that hole yet. There's been a few glitches with the house closing (date already changed a few times since Monday ... plus a ton of running around and jumping through endless hoops) so everything's still up in the air. We've run into the extension period and if we go over that then we lose the house. It's a circus, beyond stressful, and it has me and my family on the edge constantly. That being said, I'm not going to bore you with the details.

Why? Because there's no room for excuses! And I know from experience that there's a very fine line between circumstances and excuses! Even mired down in my stressful circumstances, the decision to maintain healthy habits is a choice ... my choice! Everything else is just an excuse.


And I've made poor choices lately, using my circumstances as an excuse!

There. I said it. Stress or no stress, I'm still so very blessed. And above anything, I don't want to disappoint the darling boy who would give up his Christmas toys to see me healthy and happy. I simply can't! Or rather, I won't!

And that is one choice that I'm forcing myself to make right now.

Thanks to everyone for all the supportive comments yesterday! You are appreciated!

-----------------------------------------------------------(Oh... and please, Lord? I pray that I am not harming my precious little ones' relationship with their body or the food they choose to nourish it!)

Clawing my way out of this stupid hole!

Man, oh man. I knew it was coming! Whenever I'm on an awesome streak, I'm always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It usually happens around my period and unfortunately mine came a week early just to further mess with my head.

It's a sure thing that I gain about 5 pounds when I'm battling with Operation: Crimson Menace. Not only do I have to deal with the usual hassle, I have to deal with a real PITA of a mood swing. Trust me, PMS as a bipolar is not fun for anyone involved.

Knowing this, I tend to hole myself away in an effort to do the least damage possible. The Mr. will notice me withdrawing and tends to overcompensate when I'm in "hide mode", helping me with things I normally wouldn't ask for help with ... like taking the kids to school in the morning or making sure that I don't need help with BS household nonsense that he usually doesn't have to think twice about.

Basically, I barely exist for about a week. During that time, the only thing I care about is making sure the kids' needs are taken care of and that's pretty much about it. And even then, it's very low profile. I put on a pretty brave face, get whatever needs done accomplished, quickly and quietly, and then head back into my hole.

But diet? Exercise? Really?

I haven't spared either a thought and it shows on the scale. Seriously, I struggle to care about simple things like brushing my teeth during my little depression vacays and I'm expected to care about working out? A "ha!" in your general direction.

But ...

Normalcy is starting to make an appearance. Reality has come crashing down with a vengeance as I put two and two together and see how far off track I've stumbled. I see the number on the scale and thoughts of damage control more than cross my mind, they tumble around in the "PANIC!" part of my brain.

288. Three naughty little numbers who've done something nasty in the woodshed.

It's time to crawl back out of this hole and get back down to business. I still have goals that need to be met by December 1st!

Knowing what I know, mainly that TOM weight really pisses me off and will derail me if I focus on it too much, I probably will not "embrace the numbers" this Friday. I've already divulged the nitty gritty so I may finish out this week strong and see if I'm rewarded next week.

Hmmmm. Who knows, though? I worry that if I stay away from the scale too long, it will bite me in the bum. I'll see how I'm feeling about it all on Friday. Either way, I'm no longer in hiding so I'm a winner this week in my book.


(Starting over! Going for Day 1 on a new streak!)